Saturday, February 21, 2009

Counting My blessings...

...but first I'm going to bitch and moan.

This month has tested my innate cheery sensibility.

We've had some weird bug for too long, and knock wood, JH hasn't gotten it, but he has developed a bad case of the whines. With good reason: his parents are no fun AT ALL. Yesterday he got so upset with me that he pinched me on the arm. I work with a student who pinches hard because it's the primary way she has learned to show frustration, and when JH did it I lost it. I sent him to his room. Half and hour later when it came time to go to the store, he was still seething and screaming, and I turned and screamed back, in front of the entire neighborhood to SHUT! UP!

He cried in the car that he hated me, and he wanted someone to play with OR a brother. Right. Now. So I called a friend, took him over while I did the shopping and picked him up an hour later. I don't think he was the best behaved kid there, either, and will call my friend today to offer a real apology. When I picked him up I was just too exhausted to offer more than a weary "I'm so sorry."

I'm exhausted from lack of sleep, due to coughing and the cats jumping on my head and trying to nurse on my pajamas. My husband has been running weird fevers for too long, and I'm worried about him. He went to the doctor yesterday and they ran some tests, so hopefully we'll get some news soon. I'm keeping fingers crossed for "not viral, but easily treatable and not life threatening". Theeeenx.

AND when I made coffee this morning, after sleeping fitfully on the couch in the basement so as not to wake the house with my Camille act, I forgot the filter and that first pot went all over the counter. I am an ass head.

So, there. I'm officially done whining. Oh, wait. First I want to tell you about the dicksweep that called at 8:15 on a Saturday morning to say "Is this Anne? Anne I understand you recently inquired about refinancing your mortgage!"

I'm sure he appreciates his new a-hole.

aaaaaand now I'm done.

So, on to my blessings. And I do have many.

First and foremost: my family. My husband still loves me and thinks I'm funny when I get mad at strangers. He makes better coffee than I do, but more than anything, he's my forever Valentine and I love him so much and so madly it hurts. And my son: when he's not making me nuts, I appreciate him all the more. I love him and I worry about him and his sense of humor is getting sharper and funnier by the day. He's a puzzle wrapped in an enigma rolled up in a riddle. And he's cute. Especially when he's trying to lie. He's inherited my complete transparency when not telling the truth. Thank god.

My kitties: even though they keep me up at night, I adore them. There is nothing, NOTHING like a kitty cuddle when you're feeling sick. It's better than hallucinogenic cough syrup.

Our house: it's adorable even when it's an unholy mess. And right now, it's an unholy mess.

My job: how is it that I landed in this place? It's a perfect puzzle every day, and I love trying to figure out ways to communicate with these amazing kids. My co-workers- each and every one of them- I love. That's not to say that some don't drive me slightly batty, but the heart and soul of that building is the sheer dedication of those adults who walk in the door with the commitment EACH AND EVERY DAY to make a difference for those kids. I feel an immense amount of gratitude for all of them.

My surroundings: I live in a beautiful place. It's sometimes gray for what seems like an eternity, but even in that gray, there is promise that green is just around the corner. My tulips and daffodils are just poking their first shoots up through the muddy soil, and it makes me feel giddy. It makes me feel so hopeful that something completely out of my control turns out beautifully. It helps me to let go, and take care and offers me forgiveness for yelling at my child, for feeling sorry for myself, for being a crankypants to a complete stranger who was just doing his job.

Word games: when I have not one ounce of energy, I still have enough brain power to play word games on Facebook. Scramble and WordTwist are my faves. I am only competing with myself mostly, because God knows I can't keep up with Donna. She's in a league of her own. She has a computer for a brain. I am unworthy. But still, I love to play.

My sad little blog and my internet friends: This place has been very untended of late, but I know that people still stop by to check, and it cheers me. Thank you for that. It buoys me.

So, dear ones, now I feel a little better. How about you? What do you feel grateful for? Let me know - the power of gratitude is healing and I'm sure I'm not the only one that wishes February would just get the hell out of here. I'd love to hear from you - either here in the comments or on your own blog.

Let's get all grateful on February's ass and blow this funk into outer space.


kari said...

February! What a fucker.

I’m grateful for you, anniemcq, and the fact that you’ve managed to keep your good humor through what sounds like a truly painful month. That’s both an inspiration and a reminder that I should enjoy the sun that’s shining—literally and metaphorically—right outside my window on this cold winter day. I’m wishing you and your family well, and a safe, speedy recovery to all.

I’m grateful that during what has been a slow (and therefore scary) couple of weeks at work, I’ve been able to take that time and actually enjoy cleaning and decluttering this cramped little snuggery at the top of the stairs in which I live. And that part of this time I’ve also spent learning to cook for myself all over again, and to stop being so goddamn complacent when it comes to thinking about what I’m eating and how I want to age. Awareness! such is the gospel of Oprah :)

I’m grateful that I live where I do, and still get to take in the things I truly enjoy—a cabaret with friends, the opera, writing classes—without feeling guilty about it. That I’m old enough to appreciate how I get to spend my time, and to choose who I’m spending it with.

I’m grateful to the dude at the eye store around the corner who tightened the screw on my glasses this week, and then gave me a brand new case, all for free.

And I’m grateful that my toes are already painted, that there’s an avocado waiting on the counter with my name on it, and that just through the simple act of wiping the screen of this laptop with a “damp, clean, lint-free cloth" this morning, it’s like I have a brand new computer!

So cheers to you, buttercup. Keep fighting the good fight :)

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for this post, even though it made me sad (the first part). I'm sorry you've had such a crappy February, and been feeling sick for so long. But I loved your gratitude. Glad to see you posting!

Robin Amos Kahn said...

I'm grateful to be able to read your blog, even when you are having a difficult time. Everything you wrote (whined) about is pretty horrible. Being sick is a freaking drag. But everything you are grateful for - that's one pretty amazing list - love, work, home, husband, child, kitties, friends, play.

I've been having some rough days myself lately. Too many worries.

But this winter hasn't been too bad (I feel like a kid - I love the snow!) And we only have one more month left till spring! And our President is Obama and his wife is terrific! And what else? Although my daughter is driving me nuts and my husband and I are a work in progress and my beloved beagle Lucy is getting old and the world's a mess, maybe it will all start getting better soon.


I love you Annie. I hope you and Charley wake up tomorrow and feel good - and I send you a big hug.

Living In a Girl's World said...

I'm grateful February is over too. It started out really well with a visit from my cousin and her husband, but it was a forgetable month. I've missed "hearing" your voice here. But I've been fairly quiet over at my place, so I can't judge! Hope March brings lots of health and contentment to your unholy mess of an adorable house!

I, Rodius said...

When I worked in an office and was responsible for making coffee, at least twice a year I would forget to actually put the pot under it, and coffee would flood the break room. Over the years, I actually peeled the paint and melted the drywall, which is sort of embarrassing.

I'm grateful I'm not the only one.

Hope your master kiltsman feels better, and hope your J-H doesn't actually hate you. For long.

anniemcq said...

Oh. my. I'd cry tears of gratitude at this outpouring of love and abundance and talent, but the snot threatens to overtake me, so I must be practical.

Just know that I'm humbled, and that I love you each to pieces. Tucking this one away. Thank you all.

Amber said...

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Isaac had something to say to you!Can you decipher it??By the way...I am grateful for him:):)He keeps me sane(believe it or not)

I'm glad you all are coming out of your funk:)

XO Amber