What Now?

Hey Girl!  What's going on?

Not much, just watching the disintegration of a once-great nation!

I think I'll distract myself by digging rocks out of the dirt, look at Pinteresting ways to organize my shed and get lime stains out of my toilet, install laminate floors and come up with a new hairstyle:

Should I dye it?*

New cut?

Shave it off?

Dye it with Kool-aid, cut it with nail scissors, THEN shave it?

Get a tattoo on my now bald head that says "since my uterus is old, just take my brains instead?"

My eye is twitching.  I think that means I want to line up this entire administration and hit them all on the heads with a cast iron frying pan.

This sour feeling is not going away any time soon - it is the feeling of pure hatred for this vile administration, and I know, it is not doing me or anyone else any good, it is pointless and harmful to myself and those I truly love and care about, so I spend my whole day doing some random order of these things - household chores, cranking music, spending time on-line (DON'T DO THIS) and telling myself to get in GOOD TROUBLE.  I saw a tweet today by Erin Keen (@eekshecried)and it summed it up:  "Every woman I know has been storing anger for years in her body and it's starting to feel like bees are going to pour out of all of our mouths at the same time".  

Drinking seems to be the absolute worst thing to do.  Physical work - where I sweat and can lose myself - is the only answer.  I feel like I could lift a car**.

*for real? Initially I loved my salt and pepper hair, but now I feel a thousand years old

**I couldn't.  

How To Cheer Yourself In the End Days of The Republic

I have spent the last few days despairing the actions being taken in America's name to immigrant children and their families.  I have heard the cries, seen the faces, and watched the heartless lies being spewed by our heinous administration.  

Also in the news today, the administration wants to lump together the Departments of Education and Labor, destroying them both, and they want to cut billions from Medicare and Medicaid.  There is a White Nationalist Rally being held in DC.  On top of this, the First Lady visited one of the shelters wearing a jacket that said "I don't care, do u?"  

I spent a good hour reading about the demise of Mussolini, Hitler, Eva Braun and Marie Antoinette.  I imagined the fence in front of the White House bedecked with the heads of everyone in this evil administration.  I imagined a Secret Service agent going rogue and taking them all out and having Kiefer Sutherland take over.  I imagined them all with giant herpes sores on their mouths.  I started to go down a really, really dark hole and didn't recognize myself.

A friend on FB posted that she was feeling much the same way, and the only thing that outweighed the negative was the community of love warriors she knows have her back.  It reminded me of 1 Corinthians 13:13,

 "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love."

I am trying to have faith.  Not necessarily Christian faith, but faith in humanity, but it's pretty difficult these days.  Hope seems like a distant memory.  But love.... love I can do.  It's a verb. 

I told my son how I was feeling.  "Just look at what's in front of you mom.  Be kind, set a good example. Go out of your way to make it better for others."  

I love this boy with my whole heart.  

The greatest of these is love.

Gonna keep my eyes on that.