For Dolores

Recently, my mother-in-law was in town, having brought Joe-Henry home from his hedonistic, popsicle and gumdrop fueled frenzy that is a visit to Grandma and Grandpa's house. She returned him to us, happy and healthy and except for his desire to get a toy EVERY TIME HE BREATHES IN, pretty much as spoiled as he was when we left him there.

We started discussing politics, which, considering that they've been Republicans for most of their adult lives, not at all painful. For the most part, we're on the same page about things, the main one being that George is the worst president we've ever had. Ever.

My mother-in-law is one of the most passionate feminists I've ever met. I don't always agree with her about that either - having come of age in those heady days just after all the hard battles were won, I can sometimes be a snot about things. But we started talking about Hillary after reading this article by Anna Quindlen. I stated that I thought Hillary was incredibly bright, but I didn't want to vote for her just because she was a woman, if I vote for her I want it to be because she's the right choice.

"Why NOT?! Why not vote for her just because she's a woman? If we don't do it now, when? She's got more experience at running the country than any of her opponents, she has experience with foreign policy from just having been in the White House, and don't you think we need that now? Barack will have his time, but it's not now, he's not ready. She's been in it her whole life, and has risen above all the shit they've flung at her. We need someone with her experience to clean up the mess Bush has made of this country. Besides, Dad listened to you when you begged him not to vote for Bush. Even DAD is going to vote for Hillary!" (Note to my father-in-law: I promise that no one on your city council reads my blog).

It was this last plea that did it for me. "I want to see a Woman President in my lifetime. I think she's my last shot, and she would be amazing."

When I first met them, I was struck by the collection of political buttons they had in a shadow box on their wall. It was heavy on Reagan, and while not entirely absent, noticeably shy of Democrats, so over the years, we've added to their collection. Because I was a snippy little know-it-all, I thought I could peg them just by looking at that little box. I thought I was so much smarter and wiser and politically savvy. But luckily, I've managed to learn from their wisdom, from their passion for service, and their willingness and openness to change. We still have our disagreements, but I'm not so quick to pat myself on the back for being right.

I'm not telling anyone who I'm going to vote for.
But Dolores, I'll say this - You've convinced me, but even if you hadn't, I'd still do it for you.

on marriage

Today, I raise a toast to my in-laws. 51 years together and counting. Last year there was lots of hoopla, and they deserved it all, but this year it's just them. I know they enjoyed last year, but I think of them, going out to a nice dinner tonight, and know how lucky they are to be sharing each other's company. To be 51 years with the one you love and to still share the kind of love that they do.

They were young when they married, he was barely out of his teens, and she was still in them. They had three kids out of highschool by the time they were my age, and have seen so much change in the world since they've been married, not just historically (though it's significant), but just in the way we live. There's more of everything now, more stuff, more convenience, but less time, it seems. But they've kept up - they have more energy than most 30 year olds, and more than I will ever dream of having. They are thoroughly modern and hip and are two of the most intriguing people I know.

I could paint them as a perfect couple, but I think that would be a disservice to them. Do you know all those couples that people write about - the one's who finish one another's sentences? Those sweet older folk who pat each other on the knee and hold hands all the time? Yeah, well, those couples are pikers compared to my in-laws. These guys bicker, they get into it with each other, and they have their own opinions, often in opposition of each other, and they have their own interests. But here's the trick - they are still, to this day, truly sweet on each other. You can't be intimate with someone without disagreeing with them. That's the test and the honor of their commitment. They are two strong individuals who make each other stronger, not because they believe the same things or feel the same way, but because they don't. They're interested in the world, and interesting to each other, and they know how to make each other laugh. Plus, they have a sparkle in their eyes when they're around each other, and I feel lucky to witness it.

So Happy Anniversary, Chuck and Dolores. Enjoy this anniversary, make each other smile, and know that we love you.