Accept No Substitutes.

Well, there are actually one or two substitutes who have worked in our room who are really, really good. But this past week has seen two subs who should just do something else entirely.

Let me start by saying that the room I'm working in is a zoo. Loud noises, crying, and things can get physical when someone escalates. And that's just the other staff members! Ba-dump-bump. But seriously folks...

Most of the kids I work with have an autism diagnosis. Many of them are non-verbal (but very vocal!), some of them are very verbal and therein lies THAT particular challenge, and all of them get frustrated with their challenges. Can you imagine trying to communicate something as simple as "I need to pee" or "I'm thirsty" and not having anyone understand? Not to mention "Man, I wish you'd just SHUT UP AND STOP BOSSING ME AROUND!"

Many of our kids work with one person only, some are in small groups, and a couple spend some time in general ed every day. So here's the math: there are fifteen kids + twelve staff assistants + two teachers = a daily dose of "what's gonna happen next?!" But for all the chaos, there is such a level of commitment and trust and we're-all-in-this-togetherness that going to work every day is a gift. Sometimes, I won't lie, it takes more than coffee to get my ass out the door and in to work. No, I don't put anything IN my coffee, I mean I have to give myself a pep talk. But most of the time, it's a joy to walk into the school and greet our kids and see the faces of the amazing staff that I work with.

This past spring has been more challenging than ever, though. One of our two amazing teachers is on maternity leave, so we have a long-term substitute (who is amazing) AND a student teacher, who has had to learn things so quickly on her feet, not just about teaching kids with lots of challenges, but about managing and juggling a staff as huge as ours. It is no easy task, and I don't think there is another program in our district as large as ours. Our other teacher has stepped back a great deal to let the student teacher have at it, and most of the time it goes smoothly, but there are days when it's just a clusterf*ck. People snip at each other, nerves are frayed and everyone is so ready to put this year to bed and get back to normal.

On Friday, we had four staff out. FOUR. On the same day. Luckily, we got three substitutes. I say luckily with great amazement and a slight tinge of sarcasm, because finding subs who will work in our room is not the easiest thing in the world, but trickier still is finding subs that we will allow to come back. Our checklist of do's and dont's is long and strange:
Do be quick on your feet.
Don't wear a dress and heels. Or anything you care about getting dirty or torn.
Do have a good sense of humor.
Don't wear too much perfume.
Do ask questions of other staff.
Don't ask questions of other staff when they are running down the hallway after a student.

The list goes on, and luckily we actually do have a few subs that we are always happy to see. They meet all the above criteria and more. In fact it's more likely that we will get the good than the bad. But in the last two working days we have seen two for the record books.

On Friday, one of the subs fell asleep. On her feet. While nearly two dozen people sang and danced around her. I'm not making this up. All the staff silently looked at one another with alarm on our faces, worried that she might topple over at any moment. Apparently she was on medication. So here's another for our list:

Do not take medication that makes you fall asleep on the job.

And yesterday we had a substitute who didn't meet the most basic criteria:
Do have a heart.
After silently following her student all morning (a student, I will add, that is easy and fun), she announced at the lunch table in the cafeteria that she was leaving at lunch time because she was told the job was learning support, and she NEVER would have accepted it if she'd known she had to work with "THIS classroom." The words came out with such disdain, I'm surprise she didn't spit on someone. One of my co-workers told her "well you should leave now, then. Not everyone has what it takes to work with these kids."

And don't let the door hit you on the way out. Bitch. Her loss.

My co-workers are the most amazing group of people, and the kids we work with are full of so much heart and courage, it is an honor to go there every day. Even on the hard days. Especially on the hard days.

UPDATE 6/9/09:
As I walked into school today, I saw Sleepy (as she has come to be known in my head) walking out with an orange safety vest and flag. SHE WAS BACK subbing in another part of the school, where I'm told, she sharpened pencils and did nothing else.

Except draw a paycheck.

THAT IS WRONG.

Shakin' it up

I was never called into the Principal's office when I was a kid, so I had nothing to compare the feeling to when the Principal at my school asked me to step into his office. "Don't worry, you're not in trouble", he teased.

I was still nervous.

It turns out that, because our enrollment for our class was down, and because I am the low woman on the totem pole, it was my turn to be put out of the SCC class. However, the good news is, I will still be in the building, doing patrols (and yes, wearing a safety vest - luckily orange and green are SO my colors), monitoring recess and doing reading with K-3 kiddos. I'm really excited about that last part. But the BEST news is, because we have staff leaving in January, I will be back in the classroom I started in at some point.

When I started working in that classroom, I had very little knowledge of autism, but a huge desire to learn and work with these amazing kids. It can be hugely challenging, and some days I come home in need of a beer and an icepack for my back, but the rewards.... the rewards are breathtaking. And the staff - they are some of my favorite people on the planet. Patient, funny and whipsmart, and they always, always have your back.

So, while I'm truly honored that they wanted me to stay in the school, and I SO look forward to working with the adorable kids that I see in the hallway everyday, my heart will always be missing "my kiddos". Luckily for me, I'll still see them and most especially HEAR them in the hallways!

Working Girl

Last year was the first year that I worked as a parapro in a specialized communications class. I sought this job because: it payed better than the other aide jobs (but not as much as bus drivers - those folks are livin' the dream: they drive for a couple hours, and spend the rest of the day reading or buffing their nails or eating donuts or something), and I would be able to put JH on his bus to school, and be waiting for him when he got home. I would also have all the same holidays and days off, which would save us in childcare expenses. I also took the job because in my previous life (before JH) I was an actor, and though I loved it so much at the time, I have lost my burning desire for it. And that's what it takes to make money at it. And we need money. And insurance. And I know that starting all those sentences with "And" is going to have me burning in Grammatical Hell, but I still have that side of me that just HAS to call attention to myself, so I just turn all BadAss with the English Language and say "TAKE THAT, Blogosphere!"

Where was I? Oh, yes, my job. It could have been a disaster, but it has been anything but. Yes, there are days when I want to cry and run away, but mostly, I am so excited to go to work, so thrilled to be trusted with these amazing kids, and so energized by our joint attempts at communication.

I happened to walk into this job a complete neophyte a) working in the public school system, and b) working with a population that has all kinds of special sensory needs. If I were to write a job description for someone considering this line of work, it would go something like this:

"Part Australian Blue Heeler, part Rodeo Clown, part mud wrestler, part wind talker. Humor is a must. Fashion Plates need not apply. Creative thinking is a must. You will spend your day running, or waiting. You will get dirty. You will get frustrated. You will need a good stiff drink at times. But you will also fall in love on a daily basis. You will see examples of heroic attempts to overcome obstacles several times a day. And you will leave each day wondering how you can make the next day better."

I'll be managing better after a month or so. But I remember last year at this time, I was taking afternoon naps, the kind where you wake up in your own drool and wonder where you are and what year it is. This year is a bit better, but I'm still dragging my ass. Of course, it's closer to the ground than it was this time last year, but we're working on that.

So now you know a little bit more about how I spend my days.