Constant

There has been lots happening here at Casa McQ: A birthday, a visit from dear friends, a visit TO dear friends, a day trip to a major league baseball game, and oh the list goes on. We are preparing to host another round of dear friends this weekend and next, and are counting our lucky stars that far flung loved ones will come visit us in, "The 'Couve" (it's a local thing), or as my husband says "Vantucky".

Summer is waning, only so many days left until school starts and these long mornings will be a memory. I'd best git crackin' on the things I promised myself I'd get done during the summer. My to-do list isn't getting any shorter. The only thing getting shorter around here is my patience. Hot days + whiny, bored kid = Mommy needs to double her dosage. Or something.

But last night, I think I got a clue about JH's recent irritability. You know, in addition to the lack of sleep, lax schedule, etc. As I was passing his room, I peeked in to make sure he was asleep, and it looked as though he had been replaced by a basketball player. He will always sleep under the covers, even in summer, but last night it was so warm, he had kicked them off, and his legs! His legs were SO LONG. SO, SO LONG. He's been growing like crazy.



Yesterday as I played with my new lens that my sweet, amazing, studly husband got me, I took this pic. JH's sweet, fuzzy cheek. The one I used to playfully gum when he was a baby. It's still as inviting as a fuzzy peach, and I know before long, in a blink, it will be more manly, covered in whiskers instead of that silky fuzz. But I will always want to kiss it. That is the only thing that will never, ever change.

toothless

My love, my sweet little boy, lost his front tooth today. It wasn't his first tooth to come out, but it was the one that I knew would change him. His face changed so much when he went from toothless baby to baby with teeth, and now it's changing again. I noticed tonight too, that he's getting a little more flesh on him, something that happens before a growth spurt. I'm anticipating those growing pains for him, but this time, too, I'm anticipating the growing pains for myself, as well.

The ground seems to be shifting under my feet, and I need to accomodate that. I'm not sure how that's going to happen, but I know I will need to brace myself for whatever the change will be. I feel really uncertain about everything right now. I don't know if that's hormones, or if it's something happening in my marriage. Maybe it's both. Wouldn't that just suck? Sometimes, I feel just plain crazy, but I also remember that saying "I may be paranoid, but it doesn't mean they're not out to get me."

I'm just going through an incredibly hard time right now. I don't lay it at the feet of my husband - I can claim much of the blame myself. I can also say with conviction, that this time of life with all it's blessings, leaves me feeling crazed and completely not myself. The only thing I can hang on to is that I know it won't last forever. And the one certainty in all of it is that I love the little light that's sleeping directly upstairs as I type this. I'll do my best not to put it all on him - my dad did that to me, and it was a lot of responsibility for a kid. But that said, I have a beautiful reason to figure this all out and do my best.

And he's missing his front tooth.