Wednesday

My friend Annie is going to have surgery tomorrow to remove several tumors from her abdomen and pelvic area. This is great and scary news. Please, if you have a moment tomorrow, send a good thought, prayer, whatever - her way. Another update is posted here.

Good News!

My friend Annie, who was diagnosed with leiomyosarcoma almost a year ago, and has been battling like the fierce Warrior Goddess that she is, has gotten some great news on her latest scan. I was so thrilled to get the email with the link to this update.

Just wanted to share the good news.

A New Day...

....and a full nights sleep. Which means good things, mostly. The good news: Joe-Henry woke up hungry, asking for a donut yesterday at around 4:00. I gave him some soup, which he kept down, and then some toast (with a tiny bit of jam....I know - risking it!), and he started to sound a little bit like his old self. No more moaning, he didn't sound weak, and in fact I could tell he was hungry because he was really obstinate. He slept all night, I did too (more on that in a minute) and wants to go to school today.

Good news, yes? I will send him to school, I will go to work, and of course, the bad news is I will spend the whole day worrying about him. Never mind that I know he'll be okay. I'm still going to worry.

I'm worrying also about my husband, who is suffering a really low period now. I can't say more than that - it's his story, not mine, but suffice to say that he could use some good thoughts. After the kidney infection and lack of sleep this week, there wasn't a lot of me left to offer any support to him.

It did feel good to get a full night's sleep, even though I wound up in the kid's bed again (I just fell asleep there and didn't move the rest of the night) and my back is killing me today. I'm hoping it's just from sleeping in his bed, and not the kidney infection rearing it's ugly head.

But sleeping a full night left me to dream, and I have to share a bit of the dialogue that I woke up with. I worked as some kind of numbers cruncher for a large company, but I had my hand full of tiny kid's books and stuffed peechee folders. Tom Hanks was my boss, and had given us a pep talk and a middle school friend that I haven't thought of in years was a co-worker. I was trying to organize my work, and put it in piles and I said "it feels so good to finally get that organized!" My friend lamented that she didn't know, exactly, what it was we did. It was like a slap in the face, a huge existential crisis in my dream. What DID I do? Then she repeated what Tom Hanks said to us, and it was his voice coming out of her mouth. "I understand that God's Tit is funny, but how does it pertain to what we do?"

Then my alarm went off. I hope you have as much fun trying to figure it out as I'm sure I will.

update

Got a call from my gynecologist's nurse yesterday. I go in next week to talk about having a procedure to remove a "polyp" and also to talk about some thickening of my endometrium. Whatever that means. We leave tomorrow to fly to Santa Barbara to see grandparents and friends, so I'll have a long weekend to enjoy some well deserved sunshine and stay away from doing google searches on "thickening endometrium".

If I imagine Daffy Duck saying it, it's less scary.

Thank you all for your love and concern. You are my angels.

fear, part 2

Have you ever been to the doctor and had them totally blow you off? It's so frustrating, isn't it? But here's the other end of that spectrum - have you ever been to the doctor and had them be so thorough, so attentive, that it made you really, really nervous?

I went to my gyno yesterday for my yearly exam. We are fairly new to each other because we just moved here last spring, so I found her through my brother's girlfriend. I like her a lot, and feel like I'm in good hands. I'd been to her a couple times in the last six months due to urinary tract infections and some abnormal bleeding. At that time she assured me that it was common for women to have some changes at this stage of life, and I didn't worry too much about it. But yesterday, while taking my full history (again), and during the exam, she got alarmed and said "I think I'm going to order some tests". She says she's worried about fibroids, but wants to rule out all the "biggies". Gulp.

I go in next Friday for an ultrasound, and then she does a biopsy next month.

I'm usually pretty cavalier about stuff like this, but I have to tell you, I'm kind of scared. I had to have a biopsy once before, in my early thirties, and they found nothing, so I'm really hoping for the same outcome. I'm glad I can get in next week for the ultrasound, and I'll breathe even easier when I get the results of my pap smear and blood test.

A side effect of this is that I am feeling like a total bitch. I was so short with Joe-Henry this morning and last night, and I know he's feeling scared too. He's such a little emotional sponge, I can tell he's feeling it. Last night he had a complete meltdown over a little game, and I realized that I was having the same kind of inappropriate responses about little things too, so of course he's going to go there.

I'm going to just try my best to stay calm, take the tiny dose of Lexipro she prescribed to ease my mood swings, go for walks, and think healthy thoughts. Wish me luck, because I'm a total hypochondriac.