toothless

My love, my sweet little boy, lost his front tooth today. It wasn't his first tooth to come out, but it was the one that I knew would change him. His face changed so much when he went from toothless baby to baby with teeth, and now it's changing again. I noticed tonight too, that he's getting a little more flesh on him, something that happens before a growth spurt. I'm anticipating those growing pains for him, but this time, too, I'm anticipating the growing pains for myself, as well.

The ground seems to be shifting under my feet, and I need to accomodate that. I'm not sure how that's going to happen, but I know I will need to brace myself for whatever the change will be. I feel really uncertain about everything right now. I don't know if that's hormones, or if it's something happening in my marriage. Maybe it's both. Wouldn't that just suck? Sometimes, I feel just plain crazy, but I also remember that saying "I may be paranoid, but it doesn't mean they're not out to get me."

I'm just going through an incredibly hard time right now. I don't lay it at the feet of my husband - I can claim much of the blame myself. I can also say with conviction, that this time of life with all it's blessings, leaves me feeling crazed and completely not myself. The only thing I can hang on to is that I know it won't last forever. And the one certainty in all of it is that I love the little light that's sleeping directly upstairs as I type this. I'll do my best not to put it all on him - my dad did that to me, and it was a lot of responsibility for a kid. But that said, I have a beautiful reason to figure this all out and do my best.

And he's missing his front tooth.