I knew this would happen. I expected it, but it still took me by surprise last night when I took to my bed with a migraine. It was brought on by the storm front coming in, but also by the stress of this new job. A job I love, but being a fairly emotional person, one that is taking quite a bit from me. I haven't collapsed in a sobbing heap or anything, but I almost wish I could, because these kids can break my heart. The last two days have been a trial for everyone - new staff, which is a great thing, as they are really good, but changes for anyone is difficult, and for kids with autism, well, it's just a lot more stressful.
Also, I am still riding a really steep learning curve, and want so badly to do the right thing always. I don't want to make mistakes, but since there hasn't been a lot of training, mistakes are going to happen. I'm grateful for them, because I know it's the best way to learn, but still. They make me feel really humble. I know humble is supposed to be a good thing, but I think humble is overrated.
Then to top it off, I come home and feel like I'm just not enough. Not enough mom to engage my son, not enough wife to have the house in somewhat decent shape. Just not enough of me to go around. I know, I know, welcome to the world of working parents. But honestly, it's not the time thing, where there isn't enough to get it all done, it's an energy thing. I am pretty emotionally drained when I walk in the door.
I know I am going to have to fit in some kind of exercise program somewhere, because I know that is the answer to a lot of my problems. It will help with the stress AND my energy level. But where will I fit it in? THAT is the question. Well, I'll just have to figure that out because if I don't, it's not going to be pretty.
Another thing about feeling this way, is I feel apologetic about EVERYTHING. I almost typed an apology for this post - "Sorry I'm such a downer, and I don't have anything to say..." Then I just start to sound pathetic.
On the bright side, one of my kids who hadn't spoken to me in days asked me if I wanted to have a playdate today.
A Pair of Watermelon Salads
1 week ago