Sunday, February 10, 2008
On the inside
I recently read an interview with Eartha Kitt in The Oregonian. At 81, she is a force to be reckoned with. Sexy and vital and amazing.
I've been having a bit of mid-life crisis lately. Or awakening. Or something. On the outside, I have all this gray hair and these age spots. What the hell? On the inside, I'm still 30. Only hotter than I was at 30. On the outside... not so much.
When I found this song, I had to laugh. That's it exactly! I spent my young years being "cute" or "sweet" or "nice" and it just didn't mesh at all with who I felt I was on the inside.
I'm coming to terms with all of that. Who I am on the inside. But it's true what they say: Youth is wasted on the young.
I was trying to let my hair grow out to it's natural color, let my "wisdom" show, but I couldn't do it. It's not that I didn't like it, I just didn't recognize myself. When we lived in LA, we used to see these women (and men), and from the back, they looked twenty, but when you got to the front, you wondered where they were hiding the teamsters that were holding up all that plastic surgery. They didn't look younger, they looked desperate. I don't want to look like that. But I think I'm starting to understand why they do it.
I don't think I'll be getting plastic surgery or botox any time soon, but I don't think I'm going to let myself go gray. I don't really want to be "evil".
It's just too early for old.