This isn't a dramatic tale of my youth in the Australian Outback, or even a tale of drunken adventure in a cheesy steakhouse. It's a sad tale about my old lady back. But I need you to keep reading so that you can post a comment about your favorite muscle relaxer.
So Sunday, I was using my Spot-bot, scrubbing the dried cat poop embedded in our carpeted stairs, when I felt a slight "pop" in my lower back. Dang it. I slowed briefly, but undeterred, favoring my lower back a bit. Yesterday it felt a little tight at work, and my co-workers laughed at me when I told them about the dried cat poop, until they realized that I wasn't joking. Someone kindly suggested coming up with a better story. So, pole dancing it is.
Anyhoo, I rode my bike home from work, feeling so much better, the rain stopping long enough for my little jaunt home, making several trips up and down our newly cleaned stairs with baskets of laundry, when the boy asked me to come outside and help he and his friend build his super sports station. As I was bending over to put it together, Charley pulled up on his bike, and as I started to stand to say hello, my lower back went into full spasm. I was suddenly a parody of a person with back pain, the kids alternating between genuine concern and stifling laughter, as I slooooowly made my way to a standing position and into the house in search of relief. Charley heated up our heating pad, while I downed a couple Tylenol quick release caplets. Can I just say, "Quick release, my ass?" A glass of red wine helped to completely knock me out. Nothing like drinking a big ol' glass of cheap red in your kid's bed while he reads you a story. "Daddy - why is mommy drooling?"
If anyone needs the measurements for my mother of the year tiara, well, my measuring tape is in my sewing basket downstairs on the floor. Just get me an extra large. I have a gigantic head.
You know what this means, don't you? It means I'll have to start doing actual core strengthening exercises. I was hoping that I could just rely on the bunched up bellyfat resting on the top of my jeans to sort of, um, prop up my core? But apparently that isn't working so well. Now I'm praying my upper back doesn't go out because my shoulders are up around my ears to make things easier for my lower back.
It's still stiff this morning, and my head hurts too. Hmmmmmm. I wonder why?
I miss my old chiropractor. He'd have me feeling better in no time. But alas, we live too far away for those weekly adjustments, and I don't know if I can trust anyone else like I did him.
If you have any suggestions for pain relief, they will be greatly appreciated.
Especially if they involve chocolate.
And George Clooney.