I woke up this morning, and poured the remainder of yesterday's coffee into my favorite mug. I put it in the microwave while I made a fresh pot. I'm an impatient girl when it comes to coffee. I want it hot and I want it now. You don't want to come between a Lutheran and their first cup of coffee. Even a lapsed Lutheran like myself. We take the dark brew very, very seriously. Anyway, this particular cup was a favorite because my brother got it for me - it's the perfect size and shape, and it commemorates the 100 year birthday of the church I was raised in as a kid. I broke it once, and my sweet big brother replaced it. I promised, I vowed never to break it again.
Well, you can see where this is going, can't you?
My favorite cup fell out of my hand, just like that. And I knew, I just knew in my heart that no good would come of it.
I was so right.
About half an hour later, I decided to go online and see about getting tickets to the circus, which was in town for one last day. Joe-Henry and his dad met a sweet boy at the park yesterday whose parents work with the circus, and they live on the train. So Joe-Henry said he wanted to go, and I thought it might be a fun way to spend an afternoon. So I choose my seats online and go to pay for the tickets.
Where's my wallet?
I check my purse and it's not there, I check the backpack I carried yesterday when we went for a bike ride and it's not there either. Then I remember: I took it to the store last night when my brother and his girlfriend were over, and we went to get ice cream for dessert. I just grabbed the wallet, which I never do, and paid for everything and came home. As we were driving up to our house, there were a bunch of kids playing baseball in the yard with JH, Charley and my brother. I'd seen one of them around, but didn't recognize the other two. They were all standing right in my parking spot, so I was distracted when I parked the car and left my wallet just sitting there.
Oh. And I didn't lock my car door either.
So as I ran out to my car this morning, sweat dripping from armpits and my stomach going cold, I looked frantically inside and didn't see it. As I went to the driver's side door, and went to open the car, it opened, sickeningly without any effort, like someone had already been there, and to be polite to the sleeping owner, closed it without bothering to latch it.
Suck my D*#k, MotherF&^#$@R!!!
So I spent the morning on the phone with the credit card companies, the bank, and filing a police report online because NO ONE WAS THERE BECAUSE IT'S A HOLIDAY WEEKEND. I got signed up for credit theft protection, because not only was my driver's license in the wallet, but my social security card too. I know, I know. Never EVER carry both at the same time. But I just like to tempt fate that way. Ohhhhhh man.
I'm not sure how they are going to check my background without my id at the school district on Tuesday, but I'll just have to go with the flow and let people figure I'm an idiot who leaves her wallet in her car for anyone to take.
We still went to the circus - renegade that I am, I drove without my id to the train station, went to get money from my husband (who is being way nicer to me than I deserve), and laughed for a little while at someone besides myself. Joe-Henry has been soooo sweet today ("It's okay mom. It was a mistake. Those dumb smackbottom walletnappers!!! I wish I could find 'em - I'd get your wallet back and tell 'em they are STOOO-PID!!!")
The moral of this story? Well, there's a couple.
Don't ever leave your wallet in your car.
Don't ever keep your social security card in your wallet.
And don't ever, ever break the sacred Lutheran coffee cup on a Sunday morning. It's just bad luck all around.