Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Where the boys are

Happy New Year, from the McQ household. Guess what my resolution is? To never eat again. Honestly, I don't quite know how it happened, but these cookies just FLEW right into my mouth and have packed themselves right around my midsection, which is sort of new to me, since they usually love to snuggle up right around my ass. But they didn't quite make it that far down this time, and I'm wondering how in the hell I'm going to wear anything but stretchy sweat pants for the next month or so.

I'm feeling the need to spend this next week (since I am still off until next Monday) in an isolation chamber. My hormones are completely out of whack, and I would love, dearly love, to spend a few days alone, going for walks and taking care of myself, but I am stuck with this kid. Seriously though, I wish I could escape for a day or so, mostly for his sake, because I am one crabby mother. It isn't an existential crisis, it is hormones, plain and simple, and I'm hoping something happens to relieve the situation soon, or I might get fired from my family.

And I just can't seem to get any kind of conversation out of my son that doesn't involve Star Wars, and I don't really speak Star Wars. I can't quite keep up. It's like technical jargon - I hear it and my eyes roll back in my head and I fall into a deep slumber. But I love to hear him talk to his dad about it, because Dad speaks fluent boy geek, and to listen to them, well it's enough to melt your wookie heart. And since the only Star Wars movie we hadn't seen was Revenge of the Sith, my sweet husband decided it would be a great idea to pick that one up so we could all watch it. But the trouble is that it's really dark and scary, and now I get questioned all day about the likelihood of dying in hot lava?

Or, if you got your foot in hot lava?

Would you die from that?

Or just lose your foot?

Would it hurt?

Or would you feel it?

Where is the closest hot lava to where we live?

Oh, and at bedtime he wraps his arms around my neck so tight I worry about blacking out from the pressure on my carotid artery.

So between Star Wars and the fart jokes - oh my. You can really tell I'm the only female in this house right now. I need a break from the fart jokes. And the penis jokes. Especially the penis jokes. I take my penis' very, very seriously.

A few days ago though, we had a lovely respite from all the testosterone induced madness when Joe-Henry and I travelled to Seattle to see our lovely friends Annie & Anita and spent the night. They are old and dear friends of ours and they have a beautiful little girl Joe-Henry's age and a new baby boy. Joe-Henry and Hazel are best buds, but there was an interesting turn, when he realized that he could get kissed under the mistletoe, and he became the kissing bandit. He wanted a smooch from his girl so much, and he would nonchalantly hang out under the door jamb, then scream and run when she came near. It was apparent that he was nursing a bit of a crush, which is a whole new kettle of fish for him. They got in a bit of a tif when she wasn't using his new XO laptop "correctly" and he spoke sharply to her and was bossy, and she got upset with him. When he apologized, he felt she didn't really accept his apology. So we took a little break and I took him aside, and he said "Mom, it's not like with Vic. When I say I'm sorry, he says that's okay, and it's over. With girls it's more... complicated." But the funny thing is, I heard from her moms that she said exactly the same thing. "It's more complicated with boys." They made up, though, and spent the rest of the afternoon laughing and playing and hamming for my camera.

I have a feeling that 2008 is going to bring about lots of new feelings for this boy in my house. My resolution is to be a better listener. So I guess that means I'd better pay a bit more attention then next time we watch Star Wars around here. If I'm going to listen, I should at least learn the language.


anne said...

Isn't it just like a dad, to get a movie that seems harmless, watch it with their kids, and then let a mom deal with all the fear and questions that come from small children's minds after seeing the "harmless" movie???

That has happened here, several times, where Dad rents a movie and watches it with kids while I am out. Then the endless questions begin, from our five-year-old son, for weeks on end, about safety and bad guys and evil things in the world.

Why do dads subject their kids to this stuff? My 9-year-old daughter seems to be able to tell make-belive in the movies from reality, but she reads like a crazy person, and has a vivid imagination anyway. Her, I am not so worried about, and neither is her dad.

Our kindergartener, however, is another story. The poor little guy gets totally wrapped up in what he is seeing on the screen, and then wants to know specifics as to why and how those things cannot happen here.

Don't dads think about this stuff? Or are they just so interested in the "cool" factor that they forget that small minds might not process what they see in the same way dad did, when he saw the move, when he was 12 or 15 or 28....


(thanks for letting me rant - and happy new year, Ms. Mcq!)

Lolabola said...

getting back to Anne of Green Gables.....if I want to make my sister laugh, I just say "the peddler I met on the road today" in the hysterical Anne voice and all is well. Maybe you should start in with some Anne speak and he'll realize it's a whole other world.

that or you'll get a million questions about raspberry cordial and 'puff' sleeves.

or maybe, considering the new kissing disease, he might want to watch it? okay, I know I'm pushing it now.

I, Rodius said...

Just remember, when the Star Wars talk begins, don't bring up Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. Their eyes might roll out of their heads, and they'll know for sure that you are definitely a girl.

Donna said...

Yes, there were many discussions of how Anakin got burned at our house. Sigh. DH and I watched it first and actually did wait about a year before we let #1 Son watch it, but that meant that El Diablo watched it MUCH earlier. El D tended to fast forward through that in subsequent viewings. He also hates the giant scary fish that chases Obi Wan and Kwai Gon.

JH would love the documentary that #1 Son and I watched this weekend. It was all about the mythology, history and religion of the Star Wars saga. Referenced lots of Joseph Campbell. I tried to explain to him that this two-hour show was a 10th grade English paper in the making, but it just didn't sink in yet. I am going to recommend it to our Spec Ed teachers at the high school as a possible teaching tool for English--explaining how to evoke certain emotions by alluding to historical events and explain characters by alluding to mythology.

El Diablo, btw, is now the number one fan of GI Joe. Go get 'em killer.

anniemcq said...

Anne, I have to respond to your comment, or else I will feel as though I hung my husband out to dry, which wasn't my intent. We BOTH agreed to let him watch the movie, because he had been playing the Legos Star Wars version of the game, and he didn't know the characters. My husband is just as capable, if not more so, at calming JH's fears. He speaks the lingo, so he can get him from point a to point b emotionally sometimes better than I can at this point in his life. It's just that I fit in his bed better for snuggling, because daddy is just too strapping a man, and he snores like crazy, so I am the designated snuggler. He is a wonderful, thoughtful father, and is always thinking of JH's development - it's just that we BOTH made a mistake, and this is how it has panned out this time.

And Donna, I actually covered JH's eyes during the part where Anakin got burned. I think the thing that really scared him though, was that after investing in that character, he turned EVIL. Anakin is DV? NO WAY! I would LOVE to watch the documentary - do you remember the name of it?

English Garden said...

As always great writing, I love it!

Crazy Lady said...

me too. and the cookies flew into my mouth too. anything with sugar.

Lolabola said...

Ms mcq, I had the most fantastic dream last night that I went to visit you.

You lived in the most amazing green house with a pull down loft, great timber beams and greenery everywhere, inside and out.

J-h and your hubby went off to play hockey in some sort of secret code. They were very happy. We went for hot chocolate somewhere.

Later I met a cousin and a grandfather.

Love your dream house! thanks for the visit.

Lady Di said...

Annie -- I've been reading off and on for a while, and felt it was time to say "hi." I'm another "older" mom who has been asked about my "grandson" (now five), and have varying levels of real life friend- or acquaintanceship with the Dallas posse, having transplanted to Texas from L.A. many years ago now. Anyway, I wanted to stop lurking and let you know I've been enjoying your blog. Thanks!

And I know your pain; I insisted on Star Wars IV for a post-school DVD choice this afternoon 'cuz I hate the lava scene in III -- and always skip over the "slaughter of the younglings" section as well, if I have to watch it.

Stutopian said...


I'd love to be able to drop some pearls on you, but my greatest struggle at this point is rotating episodes of SuperWhy and Little Einsteins on DVR. So I have no idea. JH is by all accounts capable of working this out with help from you and his dad, so I'm not sure that I would worry so much. But do blame it on hormones; most men are smart enough not to cross that line ;) Love the narrative, keep up the good work.

anniemcq said...

Hi Lady Di! Thanks for delurking - it's so nice to know that there are other moms out there who might be past 40! And OMG!! The slaughter of the younglings?! I don't know who that disturbed more, JH or myself! I think it was a tie - he still asks me about it at bedtime.

And Stu: welcome back. Have you checked out The Wonderpets yet? I still kinda like 'em!

I, Rodius said...

I'm so glad you came to the defense of dads, or at least J-H's dad. I had to work very hard not to take offense at "isn't it just like a dat" to terrify their kids, and "why do dads subject their kids to this stuff?" Granted, I'm a little sensitive on gender stereotypes, though.

Lisa L said...

Great post Annie - I'm sorry about the hormones though...hope you can get it sorted out. In our house dad let the kids watch virtually anything and I was Censorious Mother from Hell. I HATED them watching violent shit because the trauma lurked forever...and yes..mom had to go over and over and over the 'bad parts' to make it all a little less traumatic. Funny thing though...they would always, without fail, sign up gleefully to watch a scary movie with dad if I was working or something...