Sunday, March 25, 2007

How To Be A Girly Girl....

I'm wondering, does anyone know? Because I grew up in a house raised mostly by my dad (my mom died when I was eight), and even though I had an older sister, and my dad had a girlfriend, I was too embarrassed to ask certain questions. I did finally appeal for some help when I started my period, and BEGGED to shave my legs in jr. high, because I had the hairiest legs in gym class (can I just say right here, right now, that if there is a hell, it's going to look and smell a lot like Lincoln Middle School in Clarkston, WA, circa 1974). I was tortured in Jr. High, and my dad's girlfriend had a daughter with long, perfectly straight blonde hair and big blue eyes, and because she seemed to know SO much about romance and all things girly (she married her jr. high sweetie right out of highschool, and yes they are still married), I worked VERY HARD to not care about that stuff. I was proud of being smart and funny, and even though I don't really remember what I was interested in then, I know it wasn't how to make the most of my "feminine wiles".

So, here I am at 45 years old, wondering, should I wax my arms and get rid of the few straggly dark hairs that are there, and more fully expose the ages spots that seem to be blooming there instead? Should I wax my eyebrows, even though they are mostly nonexistent? Or should I focus on the rest of my face, which seems to be getting a bit fuzzier by the year? There's no way I'm getting a bikini wax. I can hardly bring myself to get a mani/pedi because I start to worry about the person doing my nails. "Are they getting cancer from breathing this all day? Do they hate me because I'm paying them to paint my nails? Do they think I'm gross because I have that foot fungus, even though it's mostly healed? Is that what they're saying in Korean to the other manicurist - that I'm a disgusting American with a foot fungus?"

And what should I wear to my niece's wedding? I have a pretty sleeveless dress with pale flowers that's kind of elegant, but I'd have to get shoes to go with it, or should I wear the darling brown and white polka-dot three quarter sleeve Kim Hunter in Picnic dress? If I wear that, I want to get some kind of color mixed in with my accessories, so I'm thinking coral or orange or green shoes and wrap, but is that horrible? And what kind of shoes do you wear to a garden wedding? If you wear sandals or peep-toe heels, do you wear pantyhose? Because, NOT wearing pantyhose is pretty much out of the question. As much as I love my body, I still know my limits. See, this is what comes from thinking that Glamour and InStyle are just tools used by "the Man" to keep us in our place, distracted by shiny baubles and smelly perfume samples. A Garden Wedding sends me into a frenzy of self doubt.

I've spent the better part of my life in jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt, and I rarely wear heels and a dress, even though I love how I feel in them. Does this stuff come naturally to all of you? Because it doesn't come naturally to me. So help a girl out here, send me your best girly girl tips. I promise, I'll still be my same sarcastic self. I'll still vote Democrat. I'll still think "The Secret" is a load of whooey. I just wanna know, before I'm so old that it doesn't even matter any more, how to be a lady.


Anonymous said...

You are in a writing groove lady - I'm loving your posts!

And I wish I could send you my girly-girl tips, but I'm not much help (and I don't even have the lack of maternal figure growing up excuse). I'm just not girly. Somehow, my sister - who once went 2 weeks without brushing her teeth in 6th grade by the way and we had the toothbrush still in the package and old one thrown out to prove it - turned out to be the girly girl. She accessorizes and has shoes to match her outfits and talks about different cuts of slacks and I drive her nuts as having more "potential" than I utilize to look all that I can be. But you know, I just don't care all that much.

I CAN say that I know it is a fashion faux paus to wear open toed shoes with nylons. Big no no. If it's a long skirt/dress, you can get the nylons now with no feet for that situation. If it's shorter, just use one of those underwear sucking everything in things. I have one from Victoria Secret that I love.

Franklin5 said...

Well, I'm going to fail you here, too... I've got no advice but I'm nodding my head and applauding every word you've written.

Eliza Doolittle before the gorgeous floor-length gown and ill-conceived crush on 'Enry 'Iggins? That would be me. I don't have the slightest clue how to breeze into a store and pull an ensemble together, and I have, on more than one occasion, considered tapping the shoulder of some well-dressed perfect stranger walking the street and imploring her to dress me.

This would, I sense, cross serious boundaries and possibly land me in police custody. Where the question of "Whatever will I WEAR?" would generally be answered for me, although probably not to my satisfaction.

The magazines are of no use whatsoever, and my sisters have, in the past, tried and failed to advise me. So I sit here with no clue what a Kim Hunter in Picnic dress even is, but with a heavy sigh of relief that no Garden Party invitation has landed in my mailbox.

And I trust that if you stumble upon The Real Secret (of how to transform oneself from a flower girl to a Fair Lady), you will let us all in on it.

anniemcq said...

I love you guys. I'll just go barefoot. With some hay in my hair. Bless your hearts for making me feel less alone and dork-like.

suttonhoo said...

one more dork cheering you on.

post pics once you're dressed -- I'm dying to see you all dreamy like. ;)

anniemcq said...

I found a pair of peep toe heels in cream that will go with both dresses. I found some OPEN TOED hose (I just made myself laugh out loud because I typed OPEN TOED HOES first - Now I can't get the image out of my head - I wonder what an OPEN TOED HO's specialty is? "Hey, Big Fella, wanna see my toejam?"), so that I won't have the pantyhose peepin' out of the peephole. I promise to post a pic after the big event!

I love you goils! You're all just the best.

Linda said...

No comments, but you had me at "I'm 45." I'm 44 and looking around for people my age. I enjoyed your posts a lot!

anniemcq said...

Hi Linda! Glad you found me. I checked your profile - it looks like we have a lot of the same interests! Welcome!