I put that in French, because I am a snob. An UnAmerican, Culture Loving SNOB.
I don't watch reality tv. (Except for The Biggest Loser which I got kind of hooked into and it made me cry).
I only listen to NPR on the radio.
And I have had it UP TO HERE already with the f#$in' FIREWORKS.
It's not even the Fourth! It's been going on for a week here, because it's legal the week before the 4th, and my neighbors like things to blow up GOOD.
So it's like a war zone here. I swore last year that we'd be gone this week, but because we have a vacation coming up soon after, we are here, with our helmets on and buckets of water at the ready.
I feel like such a dork - my neighbors all love this stuff. Every other time of the year, I feel so grateful to have the neighbors I have, but this time of year, I just feel so out of place. They spend literally hundreds of dollars to light it on fire and listen to it go boom. If it were just for one night, I might love it too. But DEAR SWEET JESUS IN HEAVEN - EVERY DAY AND NIGHT FOR A WEEK? I think they do it to try to send us back to California. I have news for you - WE'RE NOT GOING. We live here now, and watch out, because we will find others like us, and we will change these stupid laws that let people blow shit up for days and nights on end.
I am such a pussy. But luckily, the rest of my family is too. Joe-Henry said tonight as he was trying so hard to go to sleep, "Fireworks just steal PEACE!"
The thing is, I LOVE the real stuff that happens on the 4th. I love the big, beautiful community fireworks and the giant ones that don't make any sound and then do that huge BOOM that you feel in your stomach. Those make me "oooooooh" and "aaaaaaahhhhh" with the rest of the patriotic goofballs that think that once a year dressing in red white and blue will make up for the fact that we're not paying attention to what's going on in our country.
I even like sparklers, and I had lots of fireworks as a kid. I loved them, and I hope that Joe-Henry will too. I don't want him to be a grumpy old man before, say, age eight. But if he's too tired to stay up on the 4th because he hasn't been able to get to sleep before 11:00 p.m. for a week because every goddamn whistling pete ever made is going off right outside his window every goddamn night, I am going to be one angry mama.
Like I'm not already. And yes, I STILL have pms.
Can you tell?
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8 comments:
Just three more days, hang in there! Turn on all the fans, put some static on the radio and pull a pillow over your ears. It will be over soon. ;0p
When we moved to our current house, ds#2 was just turning 1. And obviously still napping. Happily too, until the only neighbor within shouting distance displayed his fondness for target shooting right around, oh, say, NAPTIME! Nothing like a toddler woken screaming from dreamland by the rapid fire of ammo. And yes, we do live in the country, and yes, there is a strong chance that we might be, as much as we try to avoid it, rednecks.
Quite possibly my favorite line yet in your blog "I am such a pussy". That just made my frenetic "came to work an hour late because the kids are starting a new daycare today so I'll sit here for the rest of the day and worry about them" morning.
And I fear you are much more highbrow than me. I have thought about listening to NPR. I have. I know I should, and I bet I would learn a lot. But I just can't bring myself to spend my commute time listening to blah blah blah when I could be getting my groove on. And I actually found it charming last year when my neighbors all lit off fireworks in the street - of course, it was a novelty because they are all illegal without a special permit in Rhode Island, so you could ONLY see them at big displays by the town or city. And don't get me started on my reality television obsession - I have very, very low standards for what I won't watch (the highlight of my week is Big Brother 8 starting on Thursday)
I'm not nearly as cultural as I could be, and I acknowledge that. But I'm liberal and a feminist, so we can still be friends...right? :)
Don't bother organizing the expatriate Californians to change the laws, because it won't matter. It ain't legal here, but it doesn't matter. In the old neighborhood, the Land of Loose Dogs, Five Vehicles Per Home, and Drinking 40's While Getting Braids in Your Front Yard, every 4th and every New Year's are two-week excuses to set off IED's.
Even in the new neighborhood, they've posted signs saying "Fireworks are not permitted in [Beloved Subdivision]. Please be courteous of your neighbors." Do you think this will cause anyone to take a moment to reflect? No, it will not. Keep your flak jackets on and the security patrols running!
You are all the best. Every one of your comments made me laugh out loud.
I'll take your advice, Donna. Extra pillows over my head tonight for sure.
And Tracey - we already ARE friends. I hope that the kids have fun at their new daycare and you find out there is nothing to worry about. Can you still like ME if I'm a snob? Even if I can't live without my NPR without all their exotic sounding reporters (but mostly just Prairie Home Companion)? Even though I wouldn't be caught dead watching Big Brother 8? And even though I think the street fireworks, charming as they are, should be limited to maybe just the 4th of July? I don't want to take 'em away entirely. I just think the 4th and maybe the day before are enough time to blow up the neighborhood.
And Rodius. You made me snort coffee out my nose. Your description of your neighborhood is a perfect description of an area down the hill from us (where most of the fireworks are coming from). The cars, the braids, the 40s. All of it. Are you sure you live in Texas and not Vancouver?
Thanks guys. I took some comfort last night when I went to bed and heard someone, other than me, my husband or my son, scream "SHUT UP" out their window. It's just nice to know we're not alone.
First, yes, it's charming because it's only done on the 4th (maybe the day before? Trying to remember from last year...). And it will be especially interesting this year because I'm sure it will give Dharma a heart attack.
And I absolutely can still love (like? like? LOVE) you even with your high falutin NPR listening too-good-for-trashy-tv self. I tend to secretly admire snobs who are snobs in the way that, well, I admire. Those who are snobby on an intellectual level. A philosophical and idealistic level. It's the clothing/car/jewelry snobs that I can't deal with. And that I don't secretly admire.
Tracey - I laughed out loud at your comment.
I am SO not a car, clothing jewelry snob. I just looked at myself to confirm it. Nope. I'm just not. So I guess we can still be soul sisters! Love you, girl!
Does "Car Talk" count as NPR snobbery? ;0P
As someone who regularly searches the sale racks at WalMart and Target (found a $2 t-shirt for ds#1 today!) and who still shakes her head over the $80 (or something in that neighborhood) Benetton sweater she got for Christmas in high school, I can claim full credit as a clothing "anti-snob." I can not stand to pay good money on something that is likely as not to be used as my kid's snot rag (while I am still wearing it!) or to have Cheetoh grunge inadvertently applied to the sleeves. I hate to pay for dry cleaning and I hate to iron. Pretty much leaves me shrunken and wrinkled, which is, coincidentally, how I plan to spend the last 20 years of my life.
I would listen to NPR more, but now that I don't commute, I just don't get it done. I used to listen to Morning Edition every day. And I love PHC too!
I despise fireworks and firecrackers and so on. I could never spend July 4th in the States. They're illegal here (YAY!) but I still avoid the cheesy legal displays such as last night for Canada day. Actually all the yahoo's out screaming their lungs out are way way worse.
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